The Pain of Sin

I sinned again. Right there in real life. I lied.

It used to be that I believed I was an honest person, never ever telling a lie. Now I know better. I am a liar, a crook, an adulterer – giving my love to the world instead of Jesus – a sinner. And I hate it. I am ashamed of myself when I sin; I know that I know better and so when I fail yet again it makes me angry. Why can't I just do things right?

Now I don’t hate sinning purely because I can’t do things right. No, I hate – abhor – sinning because I hurt Jesus. Jesus was hurt on the cross, yes, but it was more than that. He was mauled, beaten, punched, whipped, abused, torn, because of me and because of you. Basically I see it this way: every drop of blood that fell from his body and hit the ground, every scratch upon his perfect body, every bruise, every wince, can be linked to a sin of mine or yours. My sins now wounded Jesus then. And, oh, my sins now hurt God too. They cause a split, a chasm, to form in our relationship – mine and His. Sins tear us away from God until we repent and run back. This is evident in Genesis.

Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day… –Genesis 3:8

God and man walked on the same soil. God and man were able to talk face to face and walk side by side. We lived with God. And then Adam and Eve, the epitome of mankind, sinned and:

…they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. So the Lord God banished him from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken. –Genesis 3:8&23

There is the very moment we fell. There is the split in the relationship between God and us.

And that is why I get so upset with myself: I hurt my Maker and I hurt my Savior and I hurt myself.

I know this happens to everyone. Perhaps some don’t realize the impact of their sins, perhaps some do not realize they are sinning, but all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Paul says in Romans exactly what I find myself saying a lot:  

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. –Romans 7:15&17–19

All have sinned and all will continue to sin. Our attitude towards sin, our response, is what sets Christians apart from the others of this world. We do not embrace sin (By no means!), and we do not outlaw sin, for we realize this is impossible. Instead we accept that we have sinned – not the sin itself, but the fact that we are imperfect beings – apologize and repent, and move on with our lives to inevitably sin again sometime or another.

I realize this. I realize that I shall sin again. Luckily God realizes this too. And I’m sure He’s ready to meet me and listen and console and forgive when I drop to my knees once again.

Talk to You soon, God.