The Twenty-First Time

Why do we do this so often? 

(In case you're wondering, this song has nothing to do with Winter Jam.) I was listening to it and thinking about how we pretend not to see those in need. 

Why do we do this so often?

My youth group leader talks so much about sitting with those people who sit alone at lunch and I’ve always thought of one or two, but not done much. Today, with this song and a very moving story from a girl in my youth group, I realized that kids now don’t sit alone so much as they just tune out of the group they sit with. Kids all over the lunch room sit with headphones on, heads on tables. They are alone. True, maybe they like music a whole ton, but maybe (and I feel more likely) they very simply have no one who will really talk to them. In spirit, they are alone. 

Anyway, there are people at school - and at work and in the mall - who are alone. I see them. You see them.
Why do we not act like Jesus to them? Why do we walk on by for the twenty-first time?

(That’s not rhetorical! I want your opinion!)

P.S. It's been such a long time since I've heard this song (The Twenty-First Time by Monk and Neagle) on the radio!

Forgiveness = Losing?

On Wednesday, I asked my Bible Study leader to pray for me and a friend of mine. Our relationship has been headed south and I wanted guidance on what to do. I had been praying and praying for months without a clear answer. I asked her to pray because I didn’t know anything else to do. 

On Thursday, at a Bible Study at my school, one of my friends, Jason, taught a lesson. He started it by saying, “I’m going to teach on forgiveness today.” I immediately scanned through my life and decided that I didn’t have anything that I needed to forgive. I almost closed my ears to the lesson, but something, like a whisper through the walls of my soul, made me listen.

He used part of Tenth Avenue North’s song Losing and he spoke on forgiveness:

I can't believe what she said

I can't believe what he did

Oh, don't they know it's wrong, yeah?

Don't they know it's wrong, yeah?

Maybe there's something I missed

But how could they treat me like this?

It's wearing out my heart

The way they disregard

Well it's only the dead that can live

But still I wrestle with this

To lose the pain that's mine

Seventy times seven times

'Cause Lord it doesn't feel right

For me to turn a blind eye

Though I guess it's not that much

When I think of what You've done.

Before that, I knew what forgiveness was –receiving mercy, grace, and having your faults let go of and forgotten – but I realized that forgiveness didn’t wait for the “I’m sorry.” Forgiveness is given before the other person is ready to be sorry. They may never be sorry. Forgiveness means you don’t expect an apology.

I had been expecting an apology.

For months.

I discovered, as Jason was teaching on forgiveness, that I hadn’t forgiven this other friend for even the things he had apologized for. 

I had been holding on to the anger and the wrong he had done to me. And because he had continued to do wrong to me, my feelings were renewed and strengthened. I was angry. Angrier than I thought.

It didn’t feel right for me to turn a blind eye. I had been wondering how he would learn to say sorry and how he would learn what I didn’t like if I always forgave him without him asking. It didn’t feel right to lose the pain that was mine. 

Jason also used a Bible verse in his lesson:

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it. –Colossians 3:12-14, The Message

Be content with second place.  He kept saying that. Forgiveness is being in second place. Forgiveness is being happy with–and choosing–second place. Forgiveness is not winning, but losing. Losing, at least, according to the world’s definition. But to God, forgiving puts you at the front of the pack. The world’s last becomes God’s first.

Jason used the Super Bowl as an example of “losing.”

“Say the Ravens lose the Super Bowl. Think about if the Ravens go into their press conference praising the 49ers and how well they played, you know, “They played really well today and their teamwork was awesome. They’re a great team.” People will think they’re crazy. People will be like, ‘You lost.’  That’s like what forgiveness is.”

Forgiveness is crazy. It’s totally against our instincts. Our self-preservation tells us not to forgive, but to make the wrong-doers pay us back. But Jesus practiced forgiveness, even up until his death and then even after.

This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. 

–Matthew 26:28

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. –Colossians 3:12-14, NIV

Now, my plan of action with this friend of mine is to forgive. No matter how much more he hurts me, I will forgive him. I won’t care how many more times; I won’t care what it is exactly that he says; I will forgive and then I will forget.

7x70, baby. 

Do you think forgiveness is crazy? How do "normal" people view forgiveness?

I Mentioned I Was Afraid

So my friends’ dad died a bit over a week ago. His daughters came back to school on Tuesday. I don’t know how they’re handling it. We’ve talked only a little. Everything has just returned to a very melancholy normal. We are all sadder. And sometimes I am afraid. It’s the selfish kind of afraid. The best way I can describe it is by posting a RECENT Letter to God (most Letters to God that I post are older):

January 15, 2013

Cassie and Erin’s* dad died last night.

Lord. God.

Geez.

Be with them.

I can’t believe it. Geez. He was just okay. Lord. Be there for them. Please. Be there for us too. Please. Geez.

Later.

Jesus wept.

-John 11:35

Shortest verse in the Bible. (And while writing this I thought of this post from one of my friends)

Zelda kept trying to cheer me up. But, for the most part, I wouldn’t be cheered. I know that their dad is up in heaven now, but I’m so sad for them. I know they’re hurting and I’m hurting because they are. My mood has always reflected and absorbed the moods of others. This is no exception, and it’s so much more extreme. I know Cassie and Erin well and I know how they will be when they come to school, and it hurts me.

Sometimes my mood rebounds; sometimes my mood sucks up other moods but still has enough joy to remain fairly upbeat. But this is so different. I know Cassie and Erin. I also know knew their dad. I loved their dad. And it’s not going to be right to go to their house and not see him. God, I already feel his absence.

Death is moving closer. It scares me, Lord. I know that You conquered death and that we have eternal life in and with You, but Lord, I don’t want to lose those I love. This train of thought is so selfish, but, oh, Lord. I want them with me.

Death is moving closer to me personally. First, the Smith’s dad died. I didn’t really know them, other than name. Then Susie’s dad died. I know her enough to be an acquaintance. Then Grace’s dad died. I know her. Last year, I saw her every day, I talked to her every day. We had creative writing together, so I saw her deal with her relationship with You and her overwhelming, poorly disguised sadness. Then Cassie and Erin’s dad. I know them so well and I knew him too. Death has been creeping closer and I’m worried. There’s nothing I can do, but I’m worried.

And the same has been happening at church. Amelia’s dad died and I saw the impact. I saw her astonishing faith in You and how she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that her daddy is with You in heaven. Then Matt, our worship pastor. We saw him every week and then he’s gone. And, I just pray that no one else dies. Lord, I want Death to move no closer. I want You to blow it away, blind it and demolish it. There has been so much death lately and it makes me so gloomy, so sad. And all of those deaths were sudden. None of them were expected. Worry, worry, worry. I know You’ve got it all under control, so Lord, let me not worry.

Please take the worry, the fear, the sorrow (so it doesn’t overwhelm me or Cassie or Erin or their mom or Clementine or Susie or the Smiths or Grace or any of the church who have been touched by death). Take it and give us love and a peace that comes only from You. Give us also a passion to live, because we don’t know when we will leave this world too.

Touched by death: This reminds me of how some Indians would, rather than kill their enemy, touch him and/or take his spear or something. It showed that they were stronger, smarter, better than their enemy, and also made their enemy fear them more for they realized that they had the capability to kill them at any time. And that makes me feel like Satan is using this pattern of sudden deaths to freak us out. Rather than that, Lord give us peace, strength, and courage. Let us not be afraid of death, whether we feel when we will go or not.

Thank You.

Love,

Bria

I wrote all that on the bus. When I got off the bus, my dad opened the door and hugged me. It was like a minute-long hug. I’ve never had a longer hug. That’s one of the only hugs I remember actually getting from him. I’ve also almost never seen my dad cry. But there, his voice was all wobbly, and I could feel his jaw clenching and unclenching during the hug; he was trying not to cry. His eyes were red. My eyes are red.

Lord, there’s too much death.  

*As usual, all names have been changed.

Jealousy

And the pangs of jealousy leap up. They jump up and down on my heart like a trampoline, willing me to notice them.

I shall not. I shall not notice them. I will ignore them as I try to talk to you, you who makes me jealous, regardless of the fact that we are good friends.

I-you-I am good at-you are too? Oh. I am really good at-oh, of course, you are too. I know! I have a really grade in that one clas-yup. You too.

I know you do not do this to spite me. In fact, you have no idea about any of my jealousy issues. I know you simply happen to be awesome. And I respect you and I love you, but at the same time I rack my mind for something I know I am better at. But no, I will ignore the jealousy creeping up. I will. And I walk away from you so it will not beat me. And my other friends talk about how awesome your writing is. That was the one thing I believed myself to be at than you. …yup. Awkward. And I can’t think of anything else. Surely you are better than me in every way.

I hear laughter in the background. It’s you. You are happy and I am sad. You have won. Bravo. Good job. And I hear more laughter in the background. This isn’t you. It....it’s in my head.

I let Satan win there. I let the demons of jealousy take over and control every part of me. I tried to stop it. I failed to stop it. And I sigh and think of how you wouldn’t have failed. Then I go home dejected and cry.
This sounds very bad. But God used that moment to speak to me. In that crying moment (as with most of my crying moments) I am able to fall to my knees. I am able to go to God. I cry out to Him.

Why am I not as good?

He answers, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
Oh, I forgot about that. …Why isn’t my faith as strong?
I have given you a measure of faith. -Romans 12:3
Of course…. Why is she more faithful, a better light for You?
I am busy making you someone no one else has ever been. –Psalm 139. I’m still working on you both.
Oh. Really?
Yes. I love you both.
REALLY?
I sent my son Jesus to die for both of you.
Oh yeah. I love Jesus.
I love you, Bria.
Thanks, God.

I failed the first time because I was trying to fight on my own.

I am not strong. Bria means strong, but I am not strong. I needed God’s help and I wouldn’t admit it, but instead continued to try on my own. It didn’t work. It never works. I need God.

I read her blog. She is a very talented writer and a very strong witness. That’s when the jealousy began to gnaw on my heart again. And this is the result. This post right here.

I ask God for the strength to keep the jealousy away.

I ask God for love for her, love that consumes and swallows up the jealousy trying to get me.

I ask God for joy at her writing ability and her successful blog.

I thank God that she is an amazing friend and I thank God that she can help me know Him more, because she has awesome faith.

Finally, I ask God for forgiveness. I’m sorry that I let Satan get a foothold. I’m sorry that I was jealous and envious. I know that both jealousy and envy have their root in fear, the fear that I will not be taken care of, that You have forgotten me or given me the wrong things and abilities. I know You have plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11) and that you will supply me with what I need. I’m sorry for that lack of faith that allowed me to be jealous and envious. Replace any further jealousies or envies with pure joy at her ability to reach and teach so many.

 I’m sorry, Hannah, for being jealous of you. Please forgive me.

And now, here is a link to Hannah’s blog.

Go read it! Away with you!

(Wow, I feel so much better. Thank You, Lord.)

P.S. I wrote this in August. Ever since I wrote this, I haven’t been jealous. We have become great friends and I can enjoy our friendship and all that God teaches me through her because I am not jealous! Thank You, Lord!

Ashley Wrap-up: Letters to God

Several short letters to God. I was going to write an Ashley summary and not post these, but I think it’s important to see exactly how my mood, mindset, and attitude towards the situation changed. The more I prayed and earnestly sought God’s guidance, the more hopeful I became and the more realizations I had.

See if you see what I’m talking about:

April 27, 2011

Dear God,

Kristin just talked to us about Ashley. So did Zelda. I am not going into what they said. I walked away at 8:22. I started tearing up. I’m still tearing up. I don’t wanna cry.

I don’t agree with any of what Kristin and Zelda said. Zelda keeps blaming me for driving Ashley away. I can see how they see that, since they are just getting Ashley’s perspective. I am not driving Ashley away. Am I? How do I talk to someone who distances herself from me and answers with one word answers? How do I talk to that? Both Kristin and Zelda said we should support Ashley. I’m not saying we shouldn’t be friends with her and help her through this hard time, but I cannot support her actions! I can’t let her cuss and talk about the things she does! I don’t want to hear it! I can’t stand by and let her play with her boundaries and everything! I would like to be her friend and support her, but I can’t support her actions. I honestly don’t know if I can be her friend if she’s going to do everything I’m completely against…..

I’m not strong enough to be her friend right now. I don’t know if You want me to be her friend. I don’t know. I would guess You would, but I would need YOU so much and so obviously. I don’t know I if I can even be around her without breaking down crying, like I’m practically doing now.

I care about Ashley. I can’t stand her going down the wrong path. I don’t care if she’s “discovering herself” or whatever. I can’t do it. I realize I’m being completely selfish right now. Please feel free to correct me. I want to be her friend. I want to be there for her and help her through whatever stinkin’ stuff she’s going through! I don’t know that I can. Apparently, I’m making it worse and driving her away, so maybe I should just go away and leave her alone, so I stop making it worse. ?

Please give me peace. I don’t care if You tell me what to do right now. I just want the peace that You bring. I just want to remember (I remember. I just need a reminder) that You are in control. Please help us all through this. I’ll probably write another letter, but for now:

Bria.

April 27, 2011

Another letter, I know. I feel better now. Well, at least, I’m done crying. I sure hope so. Thank You for such great friends, who keep trying to make me feel better. Thank You for the peace I feel once again.

Umm. Not to get back into negative stuff, but at lunch Ashley didn’t even look at me. I’m pretty sure she’s mad at me. Honestly, I don’t know why she’s so mad. I only talked to her once about cussing. Once. She wasn’t mad right after we talked. But now, almost a week and a half later, now she’s mad!

Well, now it’s almost 1. I’m in art. I don’t know if I’m going to write more; I just felt like telling You I’m in art. Well, 10 minutes until social studies. Please help Zelda and I get along good. Help us to understand each other and just not take sides against each other. I don’t want this Ashley thing to break up the friendships I have with everyone (or anyone) else.

April 27, 2011

It’s now 9:10. It’s been about 15 minutes since I finished the last letter. Thank You for some peace and understanding. I realize that Ashley needs to learn her own way. No one ever listens when you try to tell them how to live. I realize that. I know that we should be there for Ashley no matter what. I will be there for Ashley no matter what. I refuse to support her cussing though. I’m fine with her “finding herself,” but I won’t put up with cussing. I can’t just back down and watch her ruin her life. I will be there, however.

It’s now 10:03. I’m in algebra. I was thinking about how I once told Ashley (in that valentine about 2 months ago) that we are unlikely friends, but somehow we are great friends. Apparently, I was wrong. Since neither one of us is being a very good friend to the other right now. They keep saying it’s me. That not entirely true. I admit it kinda is, but it’s not entirely. Ashley has been distancing herself from us (not just me) for months. I just realized these past few weeks that something was wrong with her/in her life. For months, Ashley has denied us the right she uses so much: the right to an opinion. The right to speak that opinion and have people listen civilly. I listen. I’ve always listened. She…doesn’t. I say something she doesn’t like and she will either stomp out or yell over me. Why doesn’t she listen to us (cause it’s not just with me)?!

April 29, 2011

Dear God,

It is almost noon. I am in bio. We’re watching a video about ecology. I’m pretty sure I know a lot of it, so that’s why I’m writing this now. I don’t know if it’s a good thing that Ashley didn’t sit with us today, but I thank You for it. I feel like a lot of the weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I know this pretty much means the end of our friendship, but honestly I didn’t want to be her friend anymore. She wasn’t being Ashley. She wasn’t being my friend. So I feel like this is a good thing, at least for me. So thank You for that. I just pray for Ashley. I pray that she won’t hold anything against me or any of the rest of us. I just pray that You will be with her as she “discovers herself.”

Love,

Bria

And that’s the end of the last letter about her. (I have tons more Letters to God though. Yay!!)

Did you notice the shift in my thinking? The new thoughts and constant realizations, even in the midst of such distress and trials, are the result of prayer.

One of my pastors once said that when you’re listening for God’s voice, you need to think of all the new realizations you’ve had. All of those revelations, especially the ones you know you would never have thought of, are from God! In the Ashley situation, God was changing my mind; I was listening, and He was speaking! Basically, I’ve learned to listen better to God and to friends.

Tune in next week for (drumroll): Something that I haven’t decided on yet! Yay! (:

Have a wonderful night and day and whatnot!

Happiness Cry: A Letter to God

Reminder: Ashley is the codename for a former best friend of mine. Former friend because of a fight. Our fight centered on not listening. Since then, I’ve realized a lot of my faults in the fight. I wrote this letter after the majority of the drama had disappeared.  (Also, the P.S. is a part of the letter.)

April 26, 2011

Dear God,

I feel like all I’ve been talking to You about lately is my issues and how terrible everything is. I don’t think everything is terrible. In fact, there are a lot of things that I really think are good and awesome. I’m going to go through some of them (by the way, some of them are people):

Hope. Thank You for Hope. She is a really good friend. She helps me with my issues and supports me in my walk with You. Without her this year I know that I wouldn’t be where I am in my walk with You; I would probably still be back at the nun thing. Seriously, though, I wouldn’t have grown as much as I have.

The sky. As Jesse (youth pastor) was saying how You gave us some things just for us to enjoy, I agree. The sky didn’t have to be blue or orange-y or reddish pink or purple (like it is right now where the sun is going down). Thank You for making the sky beautiful, even when it’s storming.

Clementine. She is a wonderful friend too. She listens to what I have to say, even when I’m rambling about

Hoagie (old crush of mine) or something I read. She also has great faith. And she invited me to Bible Study in the mornings! Thank You! Without her I would never have gone to Bible Study at school. I wouldn’t know Meredith or Maddie or Drew or Ben or Micah (why are there so many M names?). I never would’ve met some of these people since they’re seniors. Thank You for Clementine. Thank You that I have a friend like her. Someone who listens and encourages and comforts and so much more. Thank You that she invited me to Bible Study in the mornings.

Bible Study. Both the one at school and the one at church. Thank You for so much Christian support! Oh, I’m overflowing with love for everyone. Thank You! Thank You for Stacy, Cassandra, Gabrielle, Brogan, Maddie, Meredith, Drew, Hollis, Micah, Kenzie, and everyone else! Thank You for great lessons and teaching, for bonding and friendship, and for that comfort and support I’ve needed so badly these past couple months especially.

Hoagie. Okay, so I’m not just including him because I like him. I’m pretty sure You know that but just to make sure I had to say it. He really inspires me to be a better person. He just does some of those little things that I know I should do, but never actually do. (Now this next part is only because I like him, but whatever. ) I think I step out more faith because of him. Sometimes I feel like I’ll tell him about it and impress him. Of course, I don’t talk to him all that much so…yeah, that doesn’t happen, but still. Thank You for him. Thank You that I noticed his Not a Fan bracelet and his green shoes and wanted to get to know him. Thank You for just giving me the opportunities to get to know him.

Thank You for all my friends; I never thought I had so many people that really cared about me. Thank You for the simple pleasures and all those stupid things that lift me right up. Thank You for always being there. Thank You that I’m not in charge. I…oh. I would be such a mess; I wouldn’t even be recognizable. Thank You for everything. There are so many things that I didn’t even mention in this, but I thank You for all those things too.

Love,

Bria

P.S. I’ve never cried from happiness before. Today was the first time. After writing this (I wrote this like ten minutes ago) I decided to write some story ideas. I thought of how thankful I am that I have the ability to write and to write (what I think) is decently good. It made me start crying! Thank You so much! So I said while I was crying (like three minutes ago) that I wish I could hug You. Then, You know, I pictured hugging Jesus. That would be so awesome! Then I thought of hugging YOU, like You the Father. Is that possible? To hug You? Now? I love You.

A Terrible Poem/Letter to God

I used to believe I was a fairly good poet. I wasn’t. And I’m still not. But this is less of a poem and more of a promise in stanzas. I like the formatting of poems, so I’m keeping it that way. (By the way, this is a Letter to God/letter to Ashley about everything that was happening with Ashley.) Here you go:

April 23, 2011

I won’t stand by

While you drive yourself away

From everything you are,

Or at least everything good you

Used to be.

You can leave God

But he will not leave you.

You can drive yourself away

From us

But we refuse to be lost.

I won’t stand by

While you lose yourself

In this world

And everything it deems

Good.

I will be there,

Pushing you to remember

All that is truly

Good and pure.

Everything that is not of

This world.

I won’t stand by

While you play by the edge

Of the cliff.

You may be “stable” now,

But eventually

You will lose your step

And fall.

I won’t stand by.

I don’t care how much you hate me.

I will not stand and watch

Your life crumble.

I will speak up.

I will say all that none have ever

Dared to say before.

I will not stand by,

Instead I will stand up.

I will not shut up,

Instead I will speak out.

I will not leave,

Even when you push me away

I will remain there for you,

Until there is no you

To be there for.

I pray it won’t come to that,

Not while you are drowning yourself

In the ways of this world.

So know

That I won’t stand by

And do nothing

While you run away

From the only true love ever known.

A Confidently Confused Letter (to God)

I said that only names will be edited and so that’s how it will be, but I have to say that I am embarrassed with this letter. In this letter, I asked for God’s help in understanding everything and yet I wrote that I knew I was right. Obviously, I wasn’t looking too hard for God’s answer. And that was the problem with this whole situation with my friend Ashley; she believed she was right and I believed I was right and we did not listen to anyone else. This was the issue, not cussing. Cussing was only a sign, a symptom, of the true problem. If only I had seen that then and not now, a year and a half later.

April 21, 2011

Hey. Me again. Now it is 2:00. I’m in social studies. I just talked to Zelda and Hope about Ashley (obviously You already know this, but I’m going to tell You anyway). Hope said that Ashley seemed different in a good way. That would obviously be You working in her heart, because I know I didn’t say anything that would really cause her to think twice. Please work in her heart more. Help her to realize You fully. Help her to realize that she doesn’t have to do anything to be loved by You. (Also helping her realize that we will be there for her would be nice too.) Zelda has obviously talked to her, because she was defending her! Why? She said that Ashley just wants to be able to do whatever. Is that really what she wants? That’s pretty much saying she doesn’t want to be a Catholic anymore, isn’t it? Because she doesn’t want to live for You. Zelda was mad at me. Why? She said that if I don’t want to hear the cussing I should stop hanging out with Ashley, and that this is why she wants to leave the group. Why is Zelda blaming me for Ashley not wanting to be friends with us? And why does she care? She and Ashley seem to be really good friends, just because they are both Catholics and share more of the same values. Why is Zelda sticking up for Ashley? Doesn’t she know that cussing is bad? I thought she didn’t want to hear it either. What’s up? I don’t understand. Please be with all of us.  I don’t know what to do or say. I know I’m right, because I know that the Bible says not to cuss. Why don’t Zelda and Ashley understand that? Do they even know that’s what the Bible says? Please tell them what the Bible really says. Tell them about Mary Magdalene and Your grace and love and everything else they don’t know and don’t fully understand. Please help Hope, Kristin, Clementine, and me not to say anything without knowing for sure that it comes from You. Please give me words to say and help me to do the right thing. Why does no one understand why it’s bad to cuss?

That was the end of the letter. I was so confused. But as confused as I was, I was still confident that I was right. I was not willing to listen to either God or to Ashley; however, I believed I was listening and simply not hearing a response from either of them.

Have you ever had an experience like this? Feel free to comment!

A Letter to God

I started writing letters to God a little over a year ago. Basically I just pull all the thoughts in my head and all the feelings in my heart out and pray them onto the paper. These letters are my prayers.

All of these letters are personal since I am talking to God; I see no reason to hold anything back as He knows everything about me. Because of this, some of these letters may seem unhelpful and completely unnecessary to add to a blog (especially these first few), but I promise there is a reason that I have added them. Often the reason will be explained after the letters involved are posted. So, nonexistent readers, please keep reading.

This first letter was written after a huge fight with a close friend. All names have been changed. No other edits have been made. Here you go:

April 21, 2011

Dear God,

Right now it’s 12:06. I’m in science. I don’t really care that I’m in science right now; I am going to write this. I’m angry and I don’t want this anger at Ashley to stay and mess up the rest of my day. Since You already know what happened I’m just going to skip that and go into my feelings (of course You know my feelings too but this will help me feel better). I don’t know if I said the right things to Ashley about not cussing. Ashley is really worrying me. I don’t know her heart like You do but I can see that she is not living out Christian (or Catholic) beliefs. Please wake her up and move her heart, so that she realizes, truly realizes, who You are. I don’t believe she ever really found You, so please show who You are. Let her realize that You love her no matter what; that she doesn’t have to cuss or be pretty or popular or whatever to be loved. Tell her that she needs to start living for You and only You. I believe You are the only person she will listen to. We are trying to help her without making her angry, because we are trying to not drive her away. I don’t know if this is what we should be doing. Please help us know what to do and what to say. Please help her not to take everything we say the wrong way. Help us to keep our tempers and to not get defensive, even when she does. I just read James 3:9-12. I wish I could tell her those verses without her erupting on me and telling me that I can’t tell her what to do. I know You can tell her what to do though. Please do. Please find a way for this verse (or any of the others that talk about not cussing) to get to her in a way that won’t drive her away. I know we--I--should say more, but I’m scared that she won’t ever listen to any of us again. She doesn’t need to have to go find new friends now. Right now she needs good Christian friends who will help her through whatever is going on. Should I be the outspoken Christian friend who will not put up with her cussing or should I let everything be and just be there for her if she ever needs to talk. Will she talk if I just wait and am there for her? I don’t know what to do. Tell me what to do.

Please help me. I don’t know how, but You do. You also know how to help Ashley. Please don’t let our friendship (can it still be called that?) fall apart because of this fight. I don’t think anything I said got through to her, so this isn’t worth breaking up our friendship. At least I don’t think so. I don’t know. Jeremiah 29:11- “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord.”

Bria