God's Voice vs. Satan's Voice

God is all that is good.

Therefore, God's voice:    Whereas Satan's voice:

Stills you Rushes you

Leads you Pushes you

Reassures you Frightens you

Enlightens you Confuses you

Encourages you Discourages you

Comforts you Worries you

Calms you Obsesses you

Convicts you Condemns you

Until recently, I was letting Satan push, worry, and confuse me. He was telling me that I was being unreasonable and hateful, while I was trying to follow what God said. I struggled until we read this in my Bible Study:

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

-Ephesians 6:10-18

Listen only to God; His voice is the only One that matters.

I'm Back!!/A Lesson in Trust

I’m back!!! Sorry about the absence. As I’ve mentioned before, my absences are not merely absences from this blog, but absences from God Himself. The abundance of posts reflects a spiritual strength, while being away from this blog is me being away from God.

This time, this absence of mine was due to tennis and my lack of complete trust in God.

See, I played tennis with my school for the first time last year. This year, I wanted so very much to play again. But the coach decided there would be tryouts; ten people would be cut from the team. I love tennis, but I’m not good at it, not really, so I was worried about not making the team.

I prayed, but continued to worry. I put off blogging and reading my Bible in order to practice tennis.

Tryouts came and I was failing, gradually moving closer and closer to being booted off the team.

Desperate, I skipped tryouts one day (so I wouldn’t lose another tryout game) and went to a tennis court in a park so that I could practice my serve alone.

I prayed. Better, more honest, praying than before. I admitted that I could not play tennis well and, therefore, could not make the team without His help. I asked for His help, but I said that ultimately, even if I wasn’t to make the team, I would realize that’s His will for me. So I practiced my serve while praying this, and I failed, making only about three out of ten serves. I said, “God, I can’t make the team without being able to serve. It would be awesome if someone would help me.” There were plenty of people in the park and I figured one of them could be a tennis aficionado.

I served more and more. About half an hour later, I was ready to leave. But as I was picking up my tennis balls, one of the parents of a girl on the tennis team (it was already obvious she was going to make the tryouts) came to practice his serve. He saw me and asked if I wanted help.

I almost started crying. God had answered! He had sent this parent, who happens to excel at serving, to help me.

So he helped me with my serve and it got better.

And when I went to tryouts the next day, my serve was better. But I was still losing. So I went home- actually not yet. I started to drive home and You Are I Am by MercyMe came on and it was perfect. I started crying then and I realized that I had been making conditions (if I get on the tennis team, I will read the Bible three times a day instead of two, etc.) and hadn’t truly been trusting God to take care of it. So I settled that. I went to tryouts again and lost some more. But I went home one night and there was an email from the coach asking for uniform sizes. I was like, what in the world, are tryouts over? I emailed him and you know what he said? He had decided not to do tryouts anymore; EVERYONE WAS MAKING THE TEAM!

I felt like such an idiot! God had it under control the whole time. Yet I had worried my butt off. He took care of it – he took care of me – and all is well, better than well even. Because now I realize once again that when God said, “All things are possible,” He meant ALL THIINGS ARE POSSIBLE (Matthew 19:26). He meant, “I can do anything. So trust. Pray, trust, give ME all your worries and doubts.” Just trust that He is all powerful and all knowing. He not only knows what is best, but is best able to make the best happen! How amazing!

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” –Matthew 19:26

Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. –Proverbs 3:5

Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed; he answers him from his holy heaven with the saving power of his right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm. –Psalm 20:6-8

When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me? –Psalm 56:3-4

Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord’s unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him. –Psalm 32:10

He who trusts in himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe. –Proverbs 28:26

Forgiveness = Losing?

On Wednesday, I asked my Bible Study leader to pray for me and a friend of mine. Our relationship has been headed south and I wanted guidance on what to do. I had been praying and praying for months without a clear answer. I asked her to pray because I didn’t know anything else to do. 

On Thursday, at a Bible Study at my school, one of my friends, Jason, taught a lesson. He started it by saying, “I’m going to teach on forgiveness today.” I immediately scanned through my life and decided that I didn’t have anything that I needed to forgive. I almost closed my ears to the lesson, but something, like a whisper through the walls of my soul, made me listen.

He used part of Tenth Avenue North’s song Losing and he spoke on forgiveness:

I can't believe what she said

I can't believe what he did

Oh, don't they know it's wrong, yeah?

Don't they know it's wrong, yeah?

Maybe there's something I missed

But how could they treat me like this?

It's wearing out my heart

The way they disregard

Well it's only the dead that can live

But still I wrestle with this

To lose the pain that's mine

Seventy times seven times

'Cause Lord it doesn't feel right

For me to turn a blind eye

Though I guess it's not that much

When I think of what You've done.

Before that, I knew what forgiveness was –receiving mercy, grace, and having your faults let go of and forgotten – but I realized that forgiveness didn’t wait for the “I’m sorry.” Forgiveness is given before the other person is ready to be sorry. They may never be sorry. Forgiveness means you don’t expect an apology.

I had been expecting an apology.

For months.

I discovered, as Jason was teaching on forgiveness, that I hadn’t forgiven this other friend for even the things he had apologized for. 

I had been holding on to the anger and the wrong he had done to me. And because he had continued to do wrong to me, my feelings were renewed and strengthened. I was angry. Angrier than I thought.

It didn’t feel right for me to turn a blind eye. I had been wondering how he would learn to say sorry and how he would learn what I didn’t like if I always forgave him without him asking. It didn’t feel right to lose the pain that was mine. 

Jason also used a Bible verse in his lesson:

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it. –Colossians 3:12-14, The Message

Be content with second place.  He kept saying that. Forgiveness is being in second place. Forgiveness is being happy with–and choosing–second place. Forgiveness is not winning, but losing. Losing, at least, according to the world’s definition. But to God, forgiving puts you at the front of the pack. The world’s last becomes God’s first.

Jason used the Super Bowl as an example of “losing.”

“Say the Ravens lose the Super Bowl. Think about if the Ravens go into their press conference praising the 49ers and how well they played, you know, “They played really well today and their teamwork was awesome. They’re a great team.” People will think they’re crazy. People will be like, ‘You lost.’  That’s like what forgiveness is.”

Forgiveness is crazy. It’s totally against our instincts. Our self-preservation tells us not to forgive, but to make the wrong-doers pay us back. But Jesus practiced forgiveness, even up until his death and then even after.

This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. 

–Matthew 26:28

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. –Colossians 3:12-14, NIV

Now, my plan of action with this friend of mine is to forgive. No matter how much more he hurts me, I will forgive him. I won’t care how many more times; I won’t care what it is exactly that he says; I will forgive and then I will forget.

7x70, baby. 

Do you think forgiveness is crazy? How do "normal" people view forgiveness?

Jealousy

And the pangs of jealousy leap up. They jump up and down on my heart like a trampoline, willing me to notice them.

I shall not. I shall not notice them. I will ignore them as I try to talk to you, you who makes me jealous, regardless of the fact that we are good friends.

I-you-I am good at-you are too? Oh. I am really good at-oh, of course, you are too. I know! I have a really grade in that one clas-yup. You too.

I know you do not do this to spite me. In fact, you have no idea about any of my jealousy issues. I know you simply happen to be awesome. And I respect you and I love you, but at the same time I rack my mind for something I know I am better at. But no, I will ignore the jealousy creeping up. I will. And I walk away from you so it will not beat me. And my other friends talk about how awesome your writing is. That was the one thing I believed myself to be at than you. …yup. Awkward. And I can’t think of anything else. Surely you are better than me in every way.

I hear laughter in the background. It’s you. You are happy and I am sad. You have won. Bravo. Good job. And I hear more laughter in the background. This isn’t you. It....it’s in my head.

I let Satan win there. I let the demons of jealousy take over and control every part of me. I tried to stop it. I failed to stop it. And I sigh and think of how you wouldn’t have failed. Then I go home dejected and cry.
This sounds very bad. But God used that moment to speak to me. In that crying moment (as with most of my crying moments) I am able to fall to my knees. I am able to go to God. I cry out to Him.

Why am I not as good?

He answers, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
Oh, I forgot about that. …Why isn’t my faith as strong?
I have given you a measure of faith. -Romans 12:3
Of course…. Why is she more faithful, a better light for You?
I am busy making you someone no one else has ever been. –Psalm 139. I’m still working on you both.
Oh. Really?
Yes. I love you both.
REALLY?
I sent my son Jesus to die for both of you.
Oh yeah. I love Jesus.
I love you, Bria.
Thanks, God.

I failed the first time because I was trying to fight on my own.

I am not strong. Bria means strong, but I am not strong. I needed God’s help and I wouldn’t admit it, but instead continued to try on my own. It didn’t work. It never works. I need God.

I read her blog. She is a very talented writer and a very strong witness. That’s when the jealousy began to gnaw on my heart again. And this is the result. This post right here.

I ask God for the strength to keep the jealousy away.

I ask God for love for her, love that consumes and swallows up the jealousy trying to get me.

I ask God for joy at her writing ability and her successful blog.

I thank God that she is an amazing friend and I thank God that she can help me know Him more, because she has awesome faith.

Finally, I ask God for forgiveness. I’m sorry that I let Satan get a foothold. I’m sorry that I was jealous and envious. I know that both jealousy and envy have their root in fear, the fear that I will not be taken care of, that You have forgotten me or given me the wrong things and abilities. I know You have plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11) and that you will supply me with what I need. I’m sorry for that lack of faith that allowed me to be jealous and envious. Replace any further jealousies or envies with pure joy at her ability to reach and teach so many.

 I’m sorry, Hannah, for being jealous of you. Please forgive me.

And now, here is a link to Hannah’s blog.

Go read it! Away with you!

(Wow, I feel so much better. Thank You, Lord.)

P.S. I wrote this in August. Ever since I wrote this, I haven’t been jealous. We have become great friends and I can enjoy our friendship and all that God teaches me through her because I am not jealous! Thank You, Lord!

Prayer Requests

Hey whoever is out there.

I learned today that one of my classmates (I'm a junior in high school) is dead. Drew died on Monday, August 6. No one seems to know how he died yet. But I know that a death, regardless of the how, is hard. So hard. He seems to have a ton of family. And I just ask you, whoever you are, that you pray for his family. I feel like a Bible verse is suiting right now, so:

He heals the brokenhearted

and binds up their wounds.

-Psalm 147:3

Please add any pressing prayers you have so we can pray together.

And another:

Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. –James 5:13-16