Sunday, July 29, 2012

A Letter to God

I started writing letters to God a little over a year ago. Basically I just pull all the thoughts in my head and all the feelings in my heart out and pray them onto the paper. These letters are my prayers.

All of these letters are personal since I am talking to God; I see no reason to hold anything back as He knows everything about me. Because of this, some of these letters may seem unhelpful and completely unnecessary to add to a blog (especially these first few), but I promise there is a reason that I have added them. Often the reason will be explained after the letters involved are posted. So, nonexistent readers, please keep reading.

This first letter was written after a huge fight with a close friend. All names have been changed. No other edits have been made. Here you go:

April 21, 2011

Dear God,

Right now it’s 12:06. I’m in science. I don’t really care that I’m in science right now; I am going to write this. I’m angry and I don’t want this anger at Ashley to stay and mess up the rest of my day. Since You already know what happened I’m just going to skip that and go into my feelings (of course You know my feelings too but this will help me feel better). I don’t know if I said the right things to Ashley about not cussing. Ashley is really worrying me. I don’t know her heart like You do but I can see that she is not living out Christian (or Catholic) beliefs. Please wake her up and move her heart, so that she realizes, truly realizes, who You are. I don’t believe she ever really found You, so please show who You are. Let her realize that You love her no matter what; that she doesn’t have to cuss or be pretty or popular or whatever to be loved. Tell her that she needs to start living for You and only You. I believe You are the only person she will listen to. We are trying to help her without making her angry, because we are trying to not drive her away. I don’t know if this is what we should be doing. Please help us know what to do and what to say. Please help her not to take everything we say the wrong way. Help us to keep our tempers and to not get defensive, even when she does. I just read James 3:9-12. I wish I could tell her those verses without her erupting on me and telling me that I can’t tell her what to do. I know You can tell her what to do though. Please do. Please find a way for this verse (or any of the others that talk about not cussing) to get to her in a way that won’t drive her away. I know we--I--should say more, but I’m scared that she won’t ever listen to any of us again. She doesn’t need to have to go find new friends now. Right now she needs good Christian friends who will help her through whatever is going on. Should I be the outspoken Christian friend who will not put up with her cussing or should I let everything be and just be there for her if she ever needs to talk. Will she talk if I just wait and am there for her? I don’t know what to do. Tell me what to do.

Please help me. I don’t know how, but You do. You also know how to help Ashley. Please don’t let our friendship (can it still be called that?) fall apart because of this fight. I don’t think anything I said got through to her, so this isn’t worth breaking up our friendship. At least I don’t think so. I don’t know. Jeremiah 29:11- “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord.”


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