Hello, random Internet dweller who has stumbled onto my modest and long-abandoned blog! It's been almost a year since I actively blogged, but now I've decided to return to my blogging days, so here I am!
In my nearly-year-long absence, I helped to create a Creative Writing Club at my high school, which is, unfortunately, named Creative Writing Club still (feel free to throw some ideas out there for a new name!). We meet every Tuesday as a club so I've decided that I will post the club activities to serve as inspiration for anyone who may be reading this.
This week, we read a poem:
This is Just to Say
by William Carlos Williams
I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
Our teacher then challenged us to mimic Williams in both his style and tone. The resulting poems were hilarious and also slightly morbid. I wrote this:
I'm Sorry But...
by Bria
I didn't see
you there
on the sidewalk
in the midday sun
I'm sure
you were happy
dreaming of
anthills
You know
until I squashed you
and you lay
crumpled
Now I challenge anyone reading this to write a quick William Carlos Williams-ish poem, like his "This is Just to Say." Don't shy away if you're not a poet or if you "don't have time." This activity is really quick (it took me five minutes) and really easy even for those who are not particularly skilled in poetry.
So have fun and if you participate, feel free to post your poem!
It was as if I hadn’t thought or spoken in my own voice for a really long time. It was like you and your multitude of voices slowly invaded my headspace and merged into my thoughts and made me Bria plus Voices.
For a while there, I was slugging it out, dueling you word for word, but you were so many and I was so few; you trampled my voice and mimicked my voice and all but became my voice. You left my voice struggling for breath, whimpering in the sewers of filth and trash in this world. My voice was often silent then, because it couldn’t remember if it was the real me or a copy of a copy of a mimic.
See, I let too many of you in. I let too many voices get inside my head and tell me what and what not to think. All I could hear were your voices, for you yelled at me to let you have your turns to speak and then you never shut up; you never relinquished control.
I had unlocked the door to sheep, but you proved to be wolves. You devoured my voice and murdered my ideas. You scarfed down even my meek protests. You said I was wrong, hateful, ignorant, prideful, judgmental, stupid.
And I believed you. My voice was drowning in your sludge.
From https://fashionedwithpurpose.wordpress.com
But that’s not how it is anymore. I was rescued. I was rescued by the One you fear above all else, for even the demons shudder at the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ.
He washed your dirt off of my body and made me clean. He reminded me that He is strength and truth and that I can do all things through Him.
So now it’s my turn to speak.
It’s not my time to cower or to sneak or to behave or to apologize or to listen or to nod in what seems like agreement or to diffuse my anger and not let you have it for once or to let my concerns go while I stay mute and silent in your filthy ideas.
No, it’s my time to kick you all out of my headspace. I’ve heard what you have to say. I’ve heard you yell, scream, cry, whine, seduce, persuade, moan, howl. I’ve heard it all. Now, it’s my turn to say that I respectfully disagree. For me and my house will serve the Lord alone.
There is a time for everything and so now it is time for me to be me again. Not you. Me.
My voice is arising from the ashes and it will conquer with the tongues of fire as Christ lights up my life again.
You will hear my voice and it will speak the truth, for I am armed with the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, and my feet are fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.
I’m
back!!! Sorry about the absence. As I’ve mentioned before, my absences are not
merely absences from this blog, but absences from God Himself. The abundance of
posts reflects a spiritual strength, while being away from this blog is me
being away from God.
This
time, this absence of mine was due to tennis and my lack of complete trust in
God.
See,
I played tennis with my school for the first time last year. This year, I
wanted so very much to play again. But the coach decided there would be tryouts;
ten people would be cut from the team. I love tennis, but I’m not good at it,
not really, so I was worried about not making the team.
I
prayed, but continued to worry. I put off blogging and reading my Bible in
order to practice tennis.
Tryouts
came and I was failing, gradually moving closer and closer to being booted off
the team.
Desperate,
I skipped tryouts one day (so I wouldn’t lose another tryout game) and went to
a tennis court in a park so that I could practice my serve alone.
I
prayed. Better, more honest, praying than before. I admitted that I could not
play tennis well and, therefore, could not make the team without His help. I asked
for His help, but I said that ultimately, even if I wasn’t to make the team, I
would realize that’s His will for me. So I practiced my serve while praying
this, and I failed, making only about three out of ten serves. I said, “God, I
can’t make the team without being able to serve. It would be awesome if someone
would help me.” There were plenty of people in the park and I figured one of
them could be a tennis aficionado.
I
served more and more. About half an hour later, I was ready to leave. But as I
was picking up my tennis balls, one of the parents of a girl on the tennis team
(it was already obvious she was going to make the tryouts) came to practice his
serve. He saw me and asked if I wanted help.
I
almost started crying. God had answered! He had sent this parent, who happens
to excel at serving, to help me.
So
he helped me with my serve and it got better.
And
when I went to tryouts the next day, my serve was better. But I was still
losing. So I went home- actually not yet. I started to drive home and You Are I
Am by MercyMe came on and it was perfect. I started crying then and I realized
that I had been making conditions (if I get on the tennis team, I will read the
Bible three times a day instead of two, etc.) and hadn’t truly been trusting God to take care of it. So I settled that. I
went to tryouts again and lost some more. But I went home one night and there
was an email from the coach asking for uniform sizes. I was like, what in the
world, are tryouts over? I emailed him and you know what he said? He had
decided not to do tryouts anymore; EVERYONE WAS MAKING THE TEAM!
I
felt like such an idiot! God had it
under control the whole time. Yet I had worried my butt off. He took care of it
– he took care of me – and all is well, better than well even. Because now I realize
once again that when God said, “All things are possible,” He meant ALL THIINGS
ARE POSSIBLE (Matthew 19:26). He meant, “I can do anything. So trust. Pray,
trust, give ME all your worries and doubts.” Just trust that He is all powerful
and all knowing. He not only knows
what is best, but is best able to make the best happen! How amazing!
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this
is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” –Matthew 19:26
Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean
not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will
make your paths straight. –Proverbs 3:5
Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed;
he answers him from his holy heaven with the saving power of his right hand.
Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord
our God. They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand
firm. –Psalm 20:6-8
When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In
God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal
man do to me? –Psalm 56:3-4
Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord’s
unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him. –Psalm 32:10
He who trusts in himself is a fool, but he
who walks in wisdom is kept safe. –Proverbs 28:26
Why do we do this so often? (In case you're wondering, this song has nothing to do with Winter Jam.) I was listening to it and thinking about how we pretend not to see those in need. Why do we do this so often? My youth group leader talks so much about sitting with those people who sit alone at lunch and I’ve always thought of one or two, but not done much. Today, with this song and a very moving story from a girl in my youth group, I realized that kids now don’t sit alone so much as they just tune out of the group they sit with. Kids all over the lunch room sit with headphones on, heads on tables. They are alone. True, maybe they like music a whole ton, but maybe (and I feel more likely) they very simply have no one who will really talk to them. In spirit, they are alone. Anyway, there are people at school - and at work and in the mall - who are alone. I see them. You see them. Why do we not act like Jesus to them? Why do we walk on by for the twenty-first time?
(That’s not rhetorical! I want your opinion!)
P.S. It's been such a long time since I've heard this song (The Twenty-First Time by Monk and Neagle) on the radio!
tobyMac sang this at Winter Jam and it’s another song that really touched me.
There are always scars when you fall that far.
Every experience we have ever had will leave some kind of mark on us. Whether that mark will be physical, emotional, spiritual, or mental has yet to be seen.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. -Romans 8:28
God is preparing us for futures greater than we can imagine. He is making us into people who will be able to persevere and people who will have the faith to weather any storm.
Just got
back from Winter Jam (a group of Christian bands that’s touring now)! This song
really hit me. It was just the perfect timing for a song like this. Actually, the unofficial theme of the whole thing was forgiveness. Thanks, God. :) Enjoy! (Have you heard this song before?)
On Wednesday, I asked my Bible Study leader
to pray for me and a friend of mine. Our relationship has been headed south and
I wanted guidance on what to do. I had been praying and praying for months
without a clear answer. I asked her to pray because I didn’t know anything else
to do.
On Thursday, at a Bible Study at my school,
one of my friends, Jason, taught a lesson. He started it by saying, “I’m going
to teach on forgiveness today.” I immediately scanned through my life and
decided that I didn’t have anything that I needed to forgive. I almost closed
my ears to the lesson, but something, like a whisper through the walls of my
soul, made me listen.
He used part of Tenth Avenue North’s song Losing
and he spoke on forgiveness:
I can't believe what she said
I can't believe what he did
Oh, don't they know it's wrong, yeah?
Don't they know it's wrong, yeah?
Maybe there's something I missed
But how could they treat me like this?
It's wearing out my heart
The way they disregard
Well it's only the dead that can live
But still I wrestle with this
To lose the pain that's mine
Seventy times seven
times
'Cause Lord it doesn't feel right
For me to turn a blind eye
Though I guess it's
not that much
When I think of what
You've done.
Before that, I knew what forgiveness was –receiving
mercy, grace, and having your faults let go of and forgotten – but I realized that
forgiveness didn’t wait for the “I’m sorry.” Forgiveness is given before the other
person is ready to be sorry. They may never be sorry. Forgiveness
means you don’t expect an apology.
I had been expecting an apology.
For months.
I discovered, as Jason was teaching on
forgiveness, that I hadn’t forgiven this other friend for even the things he
had apologized for.
I had been holding on to the anger and the
wrong he had done to me. And because he had continued to do wrong to me, my
feelings were renewed and strengthened. I was angry. Angrier than I thought.
It didn’t feel right for me to turn a blind
eye. I had been wondering how he would learn to say sorry and how he would
learn what I didn’t like if I always forgave him without him asking. It didn’t
feel right to lose the pain that was mine.
Jason also used a Bible verse in his lesson:
So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the
wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet
strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to
forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave
you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic,
all-purpose garment. Never be without it. –Colossians 3:12-14, The Message
Be content with second place.He kept saying that. Forgiveness is being in second place. Forgiveness is being happy with–and choosing–second place. Forgiveness is not winning, but losing. Losing, at least, according to the world’s definition. But to God, forgiving puts you at the front of the pack. The world’s last becomes God’s first.
Jason used the
Super Bowl as an example of “losing.”
“Say the Ravens
lose the Super Bowl. Think about if the Ravens go into their press conference
praising the 49ers and how well they played, you know, “They played really well
today and their teamwork was awesome. They’re a great team.” People will think
they’re crazy. People will be like, ‘You lost.’
That’s like what forgiveness is.”
Forgiveness is crazy. It’s totally
against our instincts. Our self-preservation tells us not to forgive, but to
make the wrong-doers pay us back. But Jesus practiced forgiveness, even up
until his death and then even after.
This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for
many for the forgiveness of sins.
–Matthew 26:28
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and
dearly loved, clothe yourselveswith compassion,
kindness, humility,gentleness and
patience.Bear
with each otherand forgive one
another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord
forgave you.And
over all these virtues put on love,which binds them all together in perfect unity. –Colossians 3:12-14, NIV
Now, my
plan of action with this friend of mine is to forgive. No matter how much more
he hurts me, I will forgive him. I won’t care how many more times; I won’t care
what it is exactly that he says; I will forgive and then I will forget.
7x70,
baby.
Do you think forgiveness is crazy? How do "normal" people view forgiveness?
Hello, random Internet dweller who has stumbled onto my modest and long-abandoned blog! It's been almost a year since I actively blogged, but now I've decided to return to my blogging days, so here I am!
