Sunday, March 23, 2014

Dear Voices in My Head

March 22, 2014

Dear Voices in My Head,

It was as if I hadn’t thought or spoken in my own voice for a really long time. It was like you and your multitude of voices slowly invaded my headspace and merged into my thoughts and made me Bria plus Voices.

For a while there, I was slugging it out, dueling you word for word, but you were so many and I was so few; you trampled my voice and mimicked my voice and all but became my voice. You left my voice struggling for breath, whimpering in the sewers of filth and trash in this world. My voice was often silent then, because it couldn’t remember if it was the real me or a copy of a copy of a mimic.

See, I let too many of you in. I let too many voices get inside my head and tell me what and what not to think. All I could hear were your voices, for you yelled at me to let you have your turns to speak and then you never shut up; you never relinquished control.

I had unlocked the door to sheep, but you proved to be wolves. You devoured my voice and murdered my ideas. You scarfed down even my meek protests. You said I was wrong, hateful, ignorant, prideful, judgmental, stupid.

And I believed you. My voice was drowning in your sludge.

But that’s not how it is anymore. I was rescued. I was rescued by the One you fear above all else, for even the demons shudder at the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ.

He washed your dirt off of my body and made me clean. He reminded me that He is strength and truth and that I can do all things through Him.

So now it’s my turn to speak.

It’s not my time to cower or to sneak or to behave or to apologize or to listen or to nod in what seems like agreement or to diffuse my anger and not let you have it for once or to let my concerns go while I stay mute and silent in your filthy ideas.

No, it’s my time to kick you all out of my headspace. I’ve heard what you have to say. I’ve heard you yell, scream, cry, whine, seduce, persuade, moan, howl. I’ve heard it all. Now, it’s my turn to say that I respectfully disagree. For me and my house will serve the Lord alone.

There is a time for everything and so now it is time for me to be me again. Not you. Me.

My voice is arising from the ashes and it will conquer with the tongues of fire as Christ lights up my life again.

You will hear my voice and it will speak the truth, for I am armed with the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, and my feet are fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.

the one and only

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